Friday, May 26, 2017

Just Do Today

My father in law passed away the day of my previous post. It has been an unusual few weeks of trying to find a new normal. And in some ways it felt like our world is falling apart. Not because of grief, but because so many things are changing. Things that are completely unrelated to my father in law are changing and I don't know what to think about it all. I don't know what direction God wants us to go. I don't see what the future will hold. Drew and I keep telling each other, "Just do today."

The books I was reading have gone to side. I'm playing the time wasting game on my phone and binge listening to 3 podcasts. I'm having trouble focusing on my books or writing long enough to get anything accomplished. So I haven't posted in a while. I will get back to a routine sometime. Maybe after the school year is over, I can get back to this.

One quick thought to leave you with ... you never know when it will be the last one. I have heard this idea more than once, but it didn't really hit home until recently. We often celebrate the first of something, first steps, first kiss, first day of school, etc. However it is the last of something that goes unnoticed, but probably means more. I was rocking Lily to sleep and thought I probably won't realize when it is the last time I do this. I certainly didn't realize Easter dinner would be the last one with Eddie. So take one day at a time. Stop and enjoy the day. I know it sounds cliché, but actually living this out every day is not easy. It is a challenge to not get caught up in the stresses of the day or the stresses of tomorrow that creep in. It is a challenge to not focus on the future and the problems that might be there.

So I challenge you to focus on today. Just do today. See if it makes things better.

Image result for matthew 6:34
Photo Credit: Decals for the Wall

Monday, May 8, 2017

Something to Make the Hard Times Better

Three weeks and I haven't posted anything. Life has been busy. I have started this post multiple times and then something comes up and I can't finish it.

These past few weeks have been hard. I want to tell you all the ways it has been hard. I want to tell you all the people who have helped or offered to help. I want to tell you the conversations that I have had. The life changing conversations that I didn't expect to have this early in life. The small comments made that have been so encouraging. The small comments made that got under my skin. I want to tell you about the small quiet moments that have spoken peace into my soul. I want to tell you all the ways I have grown so far. But I'm afraid they are too raw and will be hurtful.

So I will tell you two small stories about my kids and this time. A couple weeks ago when we found out that this was really the end my husband was at the hospital with my father in law. We decided to take the kids to see him one more time. I had to prepare my kids for what was going on, so I started talking. I think God gave me the right words. We got to the parking lot and my son jumped out because he thought he was going to get sick. He didn't, but this proved he is an anxious kid and sometimes that anxiety is manifested physically. He wore his sadness on his face as we walked in to the oncology department. A nurse saw him and asked him why he was sad. His answer was heartbreaking. "My pawpaw's gonna die." Then he started crying again. I hugged him and teared up myself. The nurse was obviously sorry she asked the question and I felt sorry for her too. Daddy came out of PawPaw's room and gave hugs. He gathered up his courage and went in to the room. He chatted with PawPaw and said goodbye.

Lily, being only 3, doesn't really understand this. She just catches on to a few phrases and then repeats those. With luck, she adds her thoughts to the end. One of the things I said in my explanation was to ask if my son remembered how PawPaw lost his hair. That phrase she latched on to. So as we were walking out of the hospital and back to the car, she said, "PawPaw lost his hair and we are going to go find it for him." Both my son and I laughed.

Her laughter and joy and simplicity has made this trying time much better.

If you feel so inclined, we have set up a GoFundMe to help pay medical expenses as well as the final expenses we will be facing. Thank you.