Monday, March 14, 2016

I Don't Fit In


Throughout large parts of my life, I have been very aware that I don't quite fit in. I am an opinionated introverted Christian sports fan and book lover. That may be a bit simplistic, but it seems like a good summary. Most of the time I am okay with it. I don't want to change myself simply to fit in. I never have wanted to do that. So I don't fit in most places. Normally I am very okay with that. However, there are times when I desperately want people to accept into their group as I am. I don't want to change to fit in, but I do want to fit in. I get frustrated and even angry that I'm not accepted or that some part of me isn't okay.

As a Christian, I know that I am "not of this world." (John 15:19) I can't say there aren't times that I have wanted acceptance in a secular group, classmates, co-workers, etc. It is something that crops up every now and then. That one is an easy one to conquer though. I read the Bible and listen to Jesus' words. I know it isn't me that they are rejecting, but the Holy Spirit living inside of me. I really get that and I'm really okay with that. I just need to remind myself every once in a while that I'm okay with that. In fact in my sermon notes from yesterday, I wrote (twice) "Don't let their rhetoric become yours." Just an emphatic reminder of whose I am.

But then it happens at churches too. Those are the ones that are hard to accept. I know I won't fit into the world, but shouldn't I fit into the church? Shouldn't there be people like me there? Maybe, but maybe not. Churches are still made up of people and people won't be perfected until they are in heaven. So in an imperfect world full of imperfect people, it only makes sense that there are lots of places that I don't fit in. That doesn't make it less frustrating. I know that I'm not going to find people exactly like me, but it would be nice to find someone or even a group that is a little like me. I guess I'll wait for God to bring the right person along and until then I'll just keep praying about it.

And thanks to Lecrae for the courage to keep being me.