Then some seasons life is hard. The laundry is never done. Sleep doesn't come until hours after bedtimes. You aren't happy and you don't know why. You aren't getting to a better place emotionally, spiritually, mentally, or any other way.
|Photo Credit: Steve Jurvetson|
Lately I feel like I've been in the latter of the two. Work is going well. I have a lot to do and February is always a hard month because we can all see the end coming, but it isn't close enough to start that final hard push yet. However, I'm pushing myself to keep going forward and I'm doing my best to push my students to keep moving forward. So it's going well. Everyone around is pretty healthy and that is a huge blessing because everyone's health could be so much worse. But the other parts of life, the keeping house and raising the kids and doing church, just aren't working. It's not like things are going wrong, but they don't feel like they are going right. So if it feels not right, but isn't actually not right, then it's all in my head. And that makes it so much worse.
I look at other people and they look like they have it all together. They know who they are and where they are going. And I'm over here wandering from thing to thing, from word to word. I doubt most of what I'm doing and most of what I'm saying. I don't know how to get from where I am to where I need to be.
So in the middle of this spiral of self-doubt and general malaise, I stopped and thought about what is different now than before. Prayer. I haven't been praying enough. I haven't been spending enough time with God. I need to more time with me and God, so I can work on me and God. When I focus more on him, then I'll focus less on everyone else. I think that falls in line with my One Word of the year. I guess God knew what he was doing by giving me that word for this year.
So if you wouldn't mind, would you say a prayer for me. How can I pray for you?