Thursday, June 26, 2014

Doubts about Motherhood: Too much

Mourning mother from Flickr via Wylio
© 2011 jinterwas, Flickr | CC-BY  | via Wylio
As a mother you hear some odd things. One of the oddest things I have heard or maybe it is something I tell myself. I can't really place where these ideas have come from.

It is the idea of too much. If you hold a baby too much, you will spoil her. If you play with a child too much, he won't learn to play on their own.

But not all too much things are bad. If you give him too much sugar, it will rot his teeth. If you react to every tiny incident, she won't mature.

We need to be disciplined about some things, but other things require us to loosen up a bit and maybe even go so far as to have fun with them. How do we know when is the time to be disciplined or if it is time to loosen up?

I wish I knew!!

Ben has had some major tooth issues recently. I know part of it is our fault because there are times, maybe even lots of times, that we forget to have him brush his teeth. I know we don't say no often enough to sugar. So I have tried to be more disciplined about his teeth, but should I say no to all sugar? We had extra eggs and I made cookies. It is VBS week and of course there is candy involved. How much of that is okay and how much is a problem?

Lily is pretty great about going to bed at night. We can put her down and she'll just drift off to sleep. However, naps are a different story. Sometimes we walk with her to get her to sleep. A part of me wonders if we are doing the right thing. We did that with Ben and he isn't very good about going to sleep. Are we holding her too much or giving in to her by walking with her?

Ben does a pretty great job of playing by himself. He also does a pretty great job of playing with other kids. We are super blessed that he is so creative and so great socially. But some days he wants to play with mommy or daddy all time. He seems attached to our hips on those days. Those days I wonder how much playing with him is okay? How much indulging in his attachment is healthy?

Lily is a girl, obviously. That comes with a whole host of supposed traits and a lot of very real baggage. I'm already starting to wonder about just when this drama queen act is supposed to start. Is there something I"m doing wrong now? Like when I think it is cute that she wrinkles her nose and whines when she is bored or wants to be picked up, is that a problem? Is that somehow unknowingly creating a drama queen? Or maybe am I right that if I don't give in to drama that she will see that from me and avoid it herself?

How much is too much? How much is not enough?

And probably the most important question: How much am I over-thinking this whole thing?
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Previous posts in the series:

Breastfeeding
Pain Medicine
Identity
Self-Care

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