Friday, May 2, 2014

30/30: What if I Stumble?

Today I had intended to write a funny story about our crazy Sunday morning. However, those words seem to have escaped me. The words that I am finding go along with the 30/30 prompt for today.

Something that scares me.

Originally I thought that I didn't have much to write. Not that I am fearless, but that I don't have any interesting fears to hash out in a blog post. Then I found out some news this week that I thought I could handle. 2 days removed from the news and I'm not handling it well. So now I have something to hash out in a blog post.



So what news did I find out?

My job is going to be changing a little. The change isn't a bad one. It's actually a pretty good change, but it will be challenging. It will require me to step up my game as a teacher. When I first heard this, I thought I could handle it. I'm not going completely into the unknown. I've done it before, so what is there to fear?

FAILURE

Yes I have done it before, but I'm not sure that I did it well. I'm pretty sure I was really sucky at it and that was several years ago. I'm more experienced now. I know more than I did back then. So I can't afford to be sucky at it this time. But what if I am?

And that's not it. I feel like I am just now starting to be a good mother. You know the kind that gets in the floor to play with her kids, the kind that reads them stories before bedtime, the kind remembers to have them practice that life skill they really don't want to learn, the kind that makes sure they eat healthy and act healthy even if they complain. I don't get it right every day, but I find myself getting more right than wrong. I'm putting aside my preferences for theirs. I'm putting aside what is easy for what is hard, but necessary.

So what if this change at my job causes me to lose this progress I have made as a mother? What if I end up putting too much effort into my job at the expense of my family? And what if I put too much effort into my family at the expense of my job? What if in my effort to balance both things I stumble and drop them both? What if I suck at both things?

Maybe a better question to ask is what if I'm being too hard on myself? And what if I need to trust God more and my ability less?

Yeah those are better questions.



2 comments:

  1. Love the post. Love the song. One of my personal favorites, it part because I lived it. Thanks so much for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for the comment. That song is definitely one of my favorites as well. It reminds me that I'm not alone in worrying and that even if I stumble, God is still there.

    ReplyDelete