After being a parent for 5 years, one might think that I am used to certain things. If one thinks that they would be wrong. Having two kids makes me feel like I am starting over again. After a month, I am often still surprised that I have two kids. I feel completely inadequate to parent two kids. Actually, I feel inadequate to parent one kid.
Some things don't bother me much, like Lily crying or fussing. I know there are a handful of things to try and one of them will calm her down. So the other day when I was at the grocery store and she started crying, I wasn't worried. I knew she was hungry, so I planned to go to the bathroom to feed her. Before I got that far though, a lady came to me. She asked me if I needed any help. If she could take my cart for me or anything. Not being worried about it I said no and thanked her. Afterward it occurred to me that I suck at accepting help. Yes I could handle it by myself, but a very kind lady was offering to push my cart, so I could hold Lily. Why not do that? The only thing I can come up with is because I am too independent for my own good.
I learned a little something though because the next day when Ben, Lily, and I went to a local bakery for lunch I accepted help. I was talking to my mother in law in the car when Ben said he had to go potty. So while trying to finish the conversation, I got Ben out off the car and then got Lily out of the car. I led Ben inside while carrying Lily. Managing her and him and the door was not easy. When someone offered to get the door, I waited and accepted his help. I thanked him for the help, finished the conversation, and got Ben to the bathroom. It was much easier to manage with help. I probably need to remember that.
Since Lily arrived Ben had asked to read stories, sing songs, and rock again. He hasn't wanted that for awhile. So maybe my 5 year old isn't as old as he seems. Maybe he still needs mom and still wants some cuddle time.
Some might be wondering about how we are feeding Lily. I am breast feeding her, but she is getting some formula. I an having trouble finding time to pump. When she is sleeping and in theory I would have the time, Ben wants my attention. If I have to choose between playing with my 5 year old and formula, I'm going to pick Ben because that is the healthier choice to me.
Today Ben had been sick, so he had been sleeping a lot and also needing extra cuddles. So at one time today, I was holding Lily in my arms trying to get her to sleep while Ben was resting on my shoulder. And moments like that remind me that it is hard, but it is all worth it.