Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Confessions of a Mother


I am looking forward to the birth of my second child. We got her crib put up this week. It seems like everything is in place. The only thing we are waiting on is the little girl. Understandably we are excited. Ben talks to my belly often as does Drew. Drew loves feeling her kick or stretch inside my belly. I talk to her some and giggle at her often. Out of all these things and all the wonderful baby things I have forgotten to mention, I think the thing I'm looking forward to the most is the confidence of knowing what I'm doing. When kids are that little, you feed them, change their diaper, and put them to sleep. It isn't easy work. In fact my previous experience says it is exhausting. However it is pretty straight forward. You don't have to worry about them saying the wrong thing. You don't have to worry about biting or licking or fighting. You don't have to worry about keeping them entertained or engaged. You don't have to worry about them eating too much or not enough. You don't have to bribe them to eat their vegetables. You don't have to worry about them drinking too much juice and not enough milk or water.

Part of me is ready for this baby so I know what is going on. I am ready for this baby so I feel like a good mother again and to feel useful.

Being the mother to an almost 5 year old is hard. I have to always be on my game to make sure he is learning all the right things at the right times. I have to pay attention to make sure he isn't learning the wrong things. I need to know how to play with him. How much should be educational? How much should be fun? What does he consider fun? I always feel like I am being a bad mother for one reason or another. I have difficulty feeling like I provide for him adequately. Do I spend enough time with him? Am I teaching him good habits?

Of course, I am not in this alone. My husband is a wonderful father and is so awesome at playing with Ben. And in no way am I saying that I don't love my son or enjoy him. I'm simply saying it's hard to be a mom to a growing boy.

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