Monday, December 9, 2013

No more asking, just listening.

'Sinking Tug' photo (c) 2010, Jon Skilling - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/


"Slowly sinking under the weight of way too many commitments." A forward has never captured me the way this one did. In my head, I'm screaming, "YES, that is exactly what has been happening with me, with us, for way too long."

So even though I'm only on page 15 now, I find myself invigorated and ready to read this book and many others. I'm ready to color and play pretend with my son. I'm ready to watch movies or go to games with my husband. I'm ready to start living as a family again or maybe for the first time.

How did we get this far from healthy? And why did it take such pain to pull us back together?

I suppose those are the two questions that keep running through my head. I can't say I'm unhappy with this place we find ourselves in because I'm not. I am less stressed than I have been in a long time. I'm enjoying time with family and friends again instead of feeling like I should be somewhere else doing something else. I'm relaxed.

I'm still sad for the people we had to leave behind to get this change. And since I suck at goodbyes, I find myself getting stuck in that sad place more often than I would like to. I'm pretty sure I'm also thinking too hard about this whole thing and trying to find something about myself to 'fix' to make sure it doesn't happen again. And maybe there isn't anything about me to 'fix'. Maybe God just wants me to stop and to be for a little while. Maybe I just need to focus on my family and God.

Maybe I just need to be thankful for God's plan and shut all those questions out. After all, I can't hear what God is saying if I keep asking him questions constantly. So it's time for me to just listen. Or maybe hear is a better word for it.

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