Friday, May 17, 2013
Sometimes I Hate Being a Woman
So Wednesday I talked about some of my struggles with losing weight. And for most of this week I've been feeling pretty good about what I'm doing. Not that I have eaten great this week, but I have recognized the times I haven't eaten great and worked to fix it. That is a success.
Last night we went to my new favorite place to eat and I had soup and half a bagel and a small cannoli. I did not end up stuffed, but I was a little more full than necessary. Then we went to the book store, a clothing store, and the grocery store. By the time we got the grocery store, I was feeling very fat and rather depressed. I was thinking something like the following thoughts.
I ate way over my calorie limit.
This is why I had to use the fat button on these pants.
This is why I gained those 2 pounds.
This is why I have those gross fat rolls.
I'm going to look disgusting in shorts this summer.
When I got home, I added my calories up and I was under my calories even without my exercise for the day. When I added my exercise, the 45 of shopping and the 2 hours of standing and walking while keeping track of students who weren't testing today, I had over 900 calories left.
So even if my calorie count was off (because what I added wasn't from my hometown bakery), I was still under my calories for the day. I was probably even way under. So what was I stressing about? Why was I beating myself up?
Because as women, we have been told and to some extent believe that beautiful women are one shape and one size. So we beat ourselves up when we aren't that shape and size. We convince ourselves that we are ugly and gross and unlovable because these pants don't fit right or we ate that cookie or whatever nonsense runs through our head. Then that nonsense gets stuck on repeat.
So sometimes I hate being a woman.
Can we agree to break that record that keeps repeating in our head? Can we just love ourselves because we are hard working, intelligent, funny, amazing, and BEAUTIFUL women?
Will you work on that with me?