In January I wrote about my One Word for this year, Hear.
Photo Credit: Steve Snodgrass
I typed that sentences and then a couple others. Then I checked Facebook, like 4 times. I checked Twitter 3 times. Started to read a couple blog posts. I checked my email twice. And so I have managed to avoid writing this post for about 10 minutes. I'm not totally sure why. Part of it might be these allergies or cold or whatever that is clogging my sinuses and fogging my brain. However, I think a part of it that I don't know how to put this year into words.
We have had some pretty scary sickness going on. I've started a new side business, Scentsy. Drew and I have received a call from God to work on creatively together. I wanted to give up on writing, but couldn't. I've been reading books that sound like they were written just for me. God has been revealing himself to me. He has been revealing myself to me. He has been revealing big scary plans for me. He has been revealing his amazing love for my family.
I just really don't know how to tell you how much I have been hearing. He has been speaking to me in still quiet moments. He has been speaking to me in terrifying faith shaking moments. He has been speaking to me in stress laden weeks.
I have heard him more these four months than I have at probably any other time in my life. I can't not hear him. And in many ways, I'm not sure I'm ready to face the rest of this year. Way deep down, I'm afraid of what He might say. I'm afraid of what I might hear. I know He has it all worked out if I just keep working at what He gives me. It's the work on my part that I'm afraid of. I'm afraid I can't do it. I'm afraid I'll fail when He wants me to succeed.
And maybe I'm afraid to succeed.