Monday, September 24, 2012

I'm 32

Birthday Cake  Photo Credit: Will Clayton

My birthday was last Tuesday and I turned 32.  My birthday's are usually pretty tame affairs.  A special dinner, a gift, and a few cards.  This birthday was no different in terms of celebration.  However, what is going on in my heart is very different.  I feel like I'm am just now understanding who I am.  Here is something I am just now understanding.

God made me to be more than I ever thought I could be and do more than I ever thought I could do.  AND I am enjoying it just like he wants me to enjoy it.

That sounds awesome right.  Well here's the catch, so to speak.  I'm learning that in order to keep growing I have to stop worrying about what other people think.  Those of you who have followed me for awhile or know me in person know that for me this is not too much of a problem.  I pretty much don't care what about 90% of the people in the world think.  It's the last 10% that are getting me.  I do still worry about what my husband thinks and what my girls think.  I worry some about what my colleagues think and what my fellow church members think.  I worry about what my teens think.  To some extent is important what these important people think.  However it is not more important than what God thinks!

Sometimes I forget that what God thinks is most important!

When I forget that, it makes it hard to grow.  When I don't grow, I stay the same.  When I stay the same, I am not becoming who God wants me to be.  And I don't like that.  I like who I am becoming.  I like saying out loud all those things about myself and being those things.  I have this awesome idea of how I can make a commitment to myself and to God to keep being that person even when I'm scared and unsure.  I've shared it with a few close personals and I've gotten good feedback.  That feedback was delayed from some of them because of internet issues.  In that delay, my first thought was that they didn't like it and I started to doubt what I know God has told me.  So I have put their opinion in front of God's opinion.

Why?

God is the one that made me!  He knows me best.  He knows how I can be the best me.  My friends are awesome, but they are not God.  So I'm 32 and I'm committing to listening to God more and people less.  I'm going to be who he wants me to be and not who others expect me to be.  I'm 32 and it's about time I start acting like I know who I am.  I'm 32 and I need to start being me before I am someone else.  I'm 32 and I need to stop worrying about people who didn't create me.

I'm 32 and I'm going to be me!

(In case you are wondering what my awesome idea is, you'll find out in a few weeks.  It's only close personals for now.)

2 comments:

  1. Good on you! Love your honesty. And belated birthday wishes from me to you! Glad it was a *good* day!

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  2. Thanks! Teaching 11, 12, and 13 year olds makes it hard to remember that I'm not 11, 12, or 13 any more.

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