Friday, July 27, 2012

An apology to the men

I had something totally different planned for today, but as Friday approached, I couldn't get this idea out of my head.  So the funny one will be Monday.  Today it is a bit serious and I wish I could do more.

Angry Young Man Photo Credit:  Tobyotter

In the last few days, I have been reminded of several good guys that I know.  What is my definition of good guys?  A guy who knows his faults and is genuinely trying to work on them.  Maybe that is a bad definition, but for today that is my definition.  These good guys have been fighting to keep their masculinity in spite of the societal pressures to give it up.  They are fighting for a healthy relationship with the world while they are maintaining their masculinity.  These aren't easy fights in today's world.  In fact, they are awfully darn hard.  But God did not make them to fight this battle alone.  God made a helper for them in this fight.  Do you know who it is?


Women were made to be their helpers.  Women were not made to run the relationship the way they see fit.  These good men that I am thinking of have not had helpers.  They have had women who are more interested in their own agenda than women who are interested in the agenda of a couple.  These good men have tried to make these women happy and keep the relationship together.  Did the women respond to these good men who are trying to fix themselves and their relationship?  No.  In many cases, they just found another man.  

So to the good men out there who are trying to make themselves a better person and have no help in the 
process, I apologize.  I apologize for hurt these games have caused you because the truth is it isn't a game.  You deserve better.  I see you want to be a good husband and you don't have anyone to help you with that. I get it and God does too.  God really does have a plan.  Hold on and a good one will come.

To the women out there playing these games, games won't make you happy.  Jumping from one guy to another or from one spending spree to another or from one job to another won't make you happy.  Discover who you were meant to be in God.  Discover your femininity in God.  Then you will be happy.

To the women who are not playing games, thank you!  Thank you for being honest and genuine.  Thank you for positively contributing to what femininity should be.  Thank you for searching for your femininity in places besides popular society.  Thank you for realizing that you have work to do on yourself as well.  If you fall into this category and find yourself single, I give you the same advice.  God really does have a plan.  Hold on and a good one will come.  (And I know a few good men if you are interested.  Joking, maybe.)  

For the women who have been on the receiving end of bad guys, I'm sorry.  You deserve better as well.  Seek God and I promise He has a plan for you.

For the bad guys out there, seek God!  Discover your masculinity in Him.  Masculinity is neither as frail or as harsh as this culture portrays.  Let God show you who you are to be because he has better for you than you know right now.

Thanks for listening to my heart today.  I hope I wasn't too harsh.


  1. I have to say, this post leaves me pretty much speechless, but not enough to where I won't comment on it -

    First off, I very much applaud you for even writing this; as a 40-something male who's never been married, I appreciate hearing these words.

    Doing the math, that means I was born somewhere in the 60's, my parents raised me w/ the values of the 40's & 50's, but could not anticipate the Feminist Movement of the 70's & the repercussions of that (don't get me wrong, I do believe in equal pay for equal work), but something happened...

    As women were empowered men were emasculated. Women now called the shots. What was once considered romantic pursuit is now called stalking; men refuse to pursue as they are afraid of going to jail. There is very little romance because women [who were caught up in the movement] killed it. Men forgot how to be men, women forgot how to be women. Women forgot how to respect men, men forgot how to nurture women & both forgot how to root their identities in Christ.

    There are some good guys left, as I'm sure there are some good women out there also & both genders are frustrated....

    All I've heard for the last ten years, both inside & outside the church is this: where are the men? I'll tell you where they are, they were run off & the only way they're coming back is by [everyone] seeking the Lord & discovering their identities in Him alone.

    For someone who was virtually speechless, I may have said too much. This post does gives me hope & the apology is appreciated...

    In Him -

  2. Wow. What a great post. Unfortunately it is very true. It is a hard, hard fight. I thought I had found a helper, but she was only interested in helping herself. I know God has made a helper for me. I just have to find her.

    1. You my good sir are one of the inspirations for this post. Keep up the good fight because in the end it will be worth it.

  3. Thank you for the comment. After hitting publish I really worried that I had said too much in the wrong tone. It is encouraging to know it is appreciated.

    The Feminist movement of the 70's brought workplace equality which was needed. However, equality in the home is something completely different. Equality in the home is each partner being the man or woman God made them to be. Equality in the home is being aware of the strengths and weaknesses of each partner as a person and as a gender. That equality in the home has been severely fractured. However it is still fixable. I am encouraged by the conversations that I am seeing and the re-emergence of some masculine things, like the idea of adventure and the shows for men's hobbies.

    As a mother of a boy, I am honored with God's trust in me to raise him. It is very important to me that I know what God made men to be, so my husband and I can raise him into a man. I think there are many people ready to find their identity in God again. The future looks bright and I hope I can reflect a little of His Light to help people get there.

    Thanks again for the comment.