Thursday, June 7, 2012

Halfway to faithful

This year my One Word is Faithful.  I talked about why I picked the word here.  I talked about my 1 month update here and month 4 here.  We are now in month 6, so I'm writing another check-in.  I didn't intend to write one this month because it feels like I just wrote one.  However, God has been revealing my word to me in new ways, so I'm writing.  

45th Parallel Signage  Photo Credit: blmurch

One of the things I wanted to accomplish was to be faithful to the walk to which God has called me.  At the time, I said I didn't know the destination.  I can say that I still don't, but I'm beginning to get an idea.  One obvious way that I'm being faithful is that I am up 2 hours early to be writing this and whatever else comes across my path.  Where will this writing lead me?  I don't know, but I know that I am a writer and I can't not write.  I tried not writing for a while and I wrote papers for graduate school.  I started blogging regularly.  I started writing poetry for a series on my blog.  So even though I didn't write stories as was my norm, I still wrote things.  Even when I consciously decided to give up on writing, I was still writing.  So here I am declaring that I am a writer and not caring about the way my writing sounds or how perfect it is.  I'm just writing and I'm loving it!  I have found the courage to just write with the words in my head even though most people around me don't talk that way and to my knowledge don't read a lot of books that talk that way.  I'm writing because I am a writer.  I'm writing the way that makes me happy because I am writing to satisfy myself and not the crowd.  If the crowd would like to read it as well, I would love to share.

If I'm being really honest, that is the easy way to be faithful.  Writing is fun and it is self affirming to me.  It makes me happy, so I can do that.  I don't have a time schedule or the pressure to produce.  It is easy to be faithful with all of the that.  Not to say that it has not stretched me to say all of this out loud (on my blog), but it hasn't been too scary (so far).  Something else to which God is calling me is a little scary.  He has brought me to my current job.  I know it's Him because I didn't actually apply for the job, but they called me anyway.  (I briefly mentioned it in this post when blogging was just updating my family on my life.)  Middle school was something I never wanted and in fact I am not qualified for in Illinois.  (I would have to take a couple more classes to be middle school certified.  However, I am K-12 certified in North Carolina because I passed a test awhile back.)  

I have slowly began to rise from just being a classroom teacher to becoming a teacher leader.  I'm not saying that to brag, I have actually had other people say that to me.  Personally, I feel like I just fell into the stuff I do around school.  I'm still pretty uncomfortable and feel very unworthy to be leading anyone in the teaching field.  I regularly fail in my classroom and I have so much on which to improve.  I don't know what I have to say that is a benefit to anyone.  However God is leading me and it seems He thinks I have something to share.  So even though I feel like I just fell into it, He has known this was going to happen all along.  He is just this week starting to share some of the why with me and it is scary because the why requires me to believe in Him for crazy big things.  It requires me to step outside of my comfort zone.  It requires me to lean on him.  It requires me to believe in what He is doing even when I can't see it.  

Today I am choosing to be faithful to His plan even though it is scary and makes be believe in big things.  

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