Friday, May 4, 2012
The last few weeks have been hectic and I have really gotten away from the core of who I am. I've been chasing accomplishments and it has left me hollow. I've said it before that I don't feel like normal people. Today that hit me all over again. A few things I have realized:
1. I haven't seen a Cardinals game in a few weeks. We got the baseball package this summer because we love baseball. I wanted to sit down and watch the games because I enjoy them. It relaxes me and reminds me of all the times we sat down to watch or listen to them as a family. Baseball reminds me of simple family time and I need that. So I haven't seen baseball and haven't had much family time.
2. I suck at taking a compliment. We started doing Zumba at our church. The woman leading it has complimented me more than once that I can keep up because I know how to dance. It has taken a lot of practice and some intense teaching when I studied in Mexico, but yes I can hear the rhythm of Latin music and follow along mostly. I want to claim that I am still in that I can't dance crowd, but I can. So I need to start taking a compliment and claiming what I can do.
3. We have not gotten much sleep this week. By we I mean Ben, which leads to me not sleeping, and that leads to Drew not sleeping. Part of it is that Ben is starting to realize when he has to potty, so he wakes up when he has to go. He isn't actually using it yet, but we're getting there. Another part is that his allergies are making it difficult for him to sleep. Last night we put the vaporizer back in his room. Hopefully that helps. Another part of it is that he doesn't eat enough. Like most little boys, he won't stop to eat. So when he realizes that he's hungry it is at bed time or when he is in bed. If he is already in bed, then he doesn't realize he's hungry and just gets upset. This happened last night and I got up with him about 3 times. This might sound familiar because I have talked about his late night eating before. Only last night I didn't realize it and the poor kid probably thought he was starving to death and no one noticed. So he went to Nana's super early. She fed him 3 eggs, toast, and grits because she is amazing. I feel horrible that I didn't realize he was hungry. How do I not realize my son didn't eat much dinner or no dinner and then gets hungry in the night? I'm trying not to feel like the worst mom ever. Drew and I have a plan to get some of his never fail foods, eggs and yogurt. We also have a plan to sit and eat dinner together as a family. Maybe Ben will eat when he sees us eating at the same time he is and with him. (Normally, that makes him want to get down, run around, and snack off of our plates.) And most important that will make us slow down, enjoy each other, and talk.
So today, I need to slow down. I need to give God my worries and my need to feel perfect. Today I need to take a deep breath and stop doing. Today I need my boys and no one else.
What do you need today?