Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Today I am out of words

I have thought and thought all day about what to write.  It seems silly to be sitting here at 11pm and call it Wednesday's post.  Most of you won't read it until Thursday at this point.  However in an effort to do what I have promised, I will write a Wednesday post.  In my Evernote notebook, I have a list of 14 ideas that could be turned into a blog post.  While I was taking a short break in the last couple weeks of 2011, I read a book about how to make my blog better.  I have gotten lots of really great ideas about it and put some into practice.  However, none of those things helped me today.  I even tried to start a post earlier.  I wrote one sentence erased it wrote a different one and was stuck.  The words weren't coming.  Well, the blog words weren't coming.  I have plenty of prayer words coming.  I have plenty of question words coming.  Today I am short on blog words.  This blog is hardly the place to air out all of the stuff that is going on in my head.  That's a funny sentence to write because that is what I do so often on here.  I tell you all what I am thinking and those thoughts become more real and more permanent.  However, today my thoughts are very involved in the lives of others.  So we are back to this blog is hardly the place to air out all of the stuff that is going on in my head.

What I can say is this, investing yourself in people is hard.  It hurts sometimes even when things are going well, but that is no excuse to refuse God's directive.  I could say that you should just always invest in someone, but that isn't true.  Don't do it unless God leads you to do so.   When He does lead you to invest in someone, know it will hurt and know it is worth it.

I have had thoughts and feelings come back today that I barely remembered last week.  Today on Stuff Christians Like, Jon Acuff said, "You bump into a bruise from childhood that you had hoped time would heal by now, but it hasn’t. If anything, it’s shaped your adult life in ways you’re only now beginning to fathom."  Something deep within me said, this is you, so pay attention.  I didn't want this to be me and I haven't even begun to process what this means for me.  I just know there is a place in me or maybe a memory within me that still hurts just like that confused teenager did so long ago.  I am not so far removed from that place and maybe that is a good thing.  Still feeling that pain can give me insight and honest empathy for those going through tough stuff right now.  I can invest myself better because of my bruise.

So my prayer today is that I know myself better in order to give more to those special people God has put within my reach and allowed me to touch with some thread of my life.  God keep us all within your loving hands and let us know the extent of your love and healing.

Do you have bruise that is healing?  Are you letting God work on it?  How?



5 comments:

  1. It's so nice to discover you and this blog, Andrea. You are so right about bruises. Even when we think they are healed, they often remain. I look forward to reading more of what you have to say about your faith journey in the days to come. And BTW- I once attended Lenior-Rhyne for a a year back in the late 1970s. so always nice to hear from Hickory! :) Blessings to you!

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  2. I agree, feeling the pain is important sometimes. I hope you learn a lot this journey :)

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  3. @CJ What a small world! I read a post of yours that said you had a job in Illinois. Both my husband and I are from Illinois originally and I went to a FUMC as a kid.

    @Kim It is a comfort to know people out there are listening. Today does not feel as heavy as yesterday. Getting ready to go home and put up Christmas decorations and eat dinner as a family. Good night tonight!

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  4. Just clicked through to your blog from Casey Wiegand. Love discovering other blogs that talk about questions of faith like this. It's so true--sometimes I can't shake things from way, way back. Things that it seems like SURELY I should be over. Tenderness remains.

    I started reading because the title caught my eye, "Today I am out of words..." I feel that way so often, and those are the times God speaks most I guess. He used you today to touch me and others!

    Love,
    Sarah
    reverie

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  5. Thank you so much for the comment Sarah Ann. I often find myself clicking through blogs as well. I love to discover new blogs that feel like I've known them forever.
    Thank you for the encouragement. I am humbled and pleased God can use my words to touch others.
    I look forward to visiting your corner of the blogosphere in the near future.

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