Recently I had one of those moments in the middle of youth group. My husband and I are very open about our past struggles and the stuff we are struggling with right now. This honesty has helped me begin to reattach my brain and my heart. I think of what our kids are going through and it reminds me of something in myself. This particular night, Drew asked them to pick something in the room that describes them. Tell us what it is and why. They struggled, but eventually came up with things to say. Me? I immediately thought of the fan. Funny thing is so did my husband. He joked that I was like the fan because I'm a blowhard. Was he reading my mind? Because that is exactly what I thought, but I was serious. I feel like I'm constantly blowing my words and opinions on others. I always have a thought and often share those thoughts. I wonder or maybe I'm sure that people don't want hear what I have to say. My opinions are just annoying and intrusive. I'm like a fan blowing directly in your face. That's what my heart says.
Some people question and doubt God when they are in tough times. I don't. I know God is there the same as He ever was. I know He has the answers. That's what my brain says. I doubt me and question me. I assume there is some fatal flaw in myself that is causing all this. There is some mistake I have made that can never be made right. I have done something or thought something that has changed my world forever. I know God hasn't changed, but I don't know that he can fix it. He doesn't need to be bothered with my minor issues because after all they are minor because it is just me. That's what my heart says.
I hate thinking that about myself. I'm sure there are some that would say it isn't true. I'm also pretty sure that God would say otherwise. Now if I can just convince my heart of that.