Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Um....

With so much on my mind and so little to talk about, I have decided to post a scrap of a story that I have written for you all to enjoy.  You guys can tell me how it ends.

To Fly Again by Andrea Ward

He passed her in the hallway during morning duty. He passed her in courtyard during class changes. He was always polite. He asked about her fiancée, she asked about his dogs. Simple pleasantries between co-workers that’s all it was. So why did it feel like so much more now? They passed in Wal-Mart and said hello. They passed each other on the square during Reunion Weekend and exchanged smiles. Barely acquaintances are what they were. So when did that all change? How did they get here?

As odd as it may seem, it all started with the accident. She thought her life would be over when Trey was taken from her. She was going to walk down the aisle in her beautiful white dress and pledge to be with Trey forever. That was her plan and then it all went so wrong. Trey shouldn’t have even been there if it wasn’t for her. She was the one that sent him for ice cream that day. Ice cream? Who would have expected ice cream to bring such pain? But there Trey was on the road when the driver took a wrong a turn. Trey was a hero. He was always so brave, so of course he did his best to save the children. Children… he would have been such a great father. When the car was a crumpled mass of steel, Trey was there. He saved their lives and sacrificed his own. How could she be angry with such a selfless act? But she was. She was angry with him for leaving her. How could she go on about her life without him in it? How could she go to work when she was now so far from whole? She was told to take time off and she did, but it didn’t change anything. She still came home to an empty house. Her friends still looked at her with pity as they canceled reservations. Her students still tiptoed around her and didn’t act like themselves. Her fellow staff members were always trying to help with planning or copies or something. It should make her feel better to see all these people trying to comfort her. But still she felt empty. She finished the semester in a haze. She stumbled through the holidays and began teaching again.

Her heart still very heavy in her chest was still beating. She had forgotten about it for awhile, but there it was beating away and betraying everything she knew to be true. She knew Trey was her future. She knew Elly and Finn were going to have a beautiful ranch house with a white picket fence provided by their dad. She knew her whole life was wrapped up in Trey. She knew without him she would have no life, no future. She knew her life would unravel and fray. And here she was teaching and going to meetings. Here she was breathing and feeling her heart still beat.

Maybe if her heart was still beating, she should be beating too. She should be beating this pain. She should be naming it. She called it grief. She shared it with others. She opened the closet of her pain and let some of it go. She decided to go on, to keep living. She put her wedding dress in storage. She returned their wedding bands. She didn’t take off her engagement ring. She didn’t put his pictures away. She opened the closet of her pain again and let some more go when she gave away Trey’s clothes. She began to visit his parents instead of his grave. She began to attend a grief support group at church. She found life again. It wasn’t quite as sweet or pleasant as she remembered, but it was life none the less.

Now when he passed her in the hallway during morning duty, he asked about her students. When he passed her during class changes, he told her funny stories about his dogs. He passed her in the park with his dogs. He stopped and introduced them to her. He didn’t treat as a broken mirror with distance and fear. He treated her as a wounded bird with caution and the hope she could fly again. Was that what brought them here? His ability to treat her like a normal person was refreshing. She spoke to him and she felt like she was waking up from a bad dream. She felt like life could go on and be worthwhile. She felt normal.
She began to look forward to Tuesday and Thursday mornings when she would see him and she could ask about Roxy and Rufus. She looked forward to lunch when she would see him in the cafeteria and she could ask about his classes. Contentedly she served her gate duty because she could watch him coach. She could see him in his environment and watch him coach his players to a win as he coached her back to life. She felt a stirring in her stomach. She wondered about it. She wondered about him. Not knowing what to do, she went to another game. The team won. She hung around and congratulated the boys as they left.

Creative Commons License
To Fly Again by Andrea Ward is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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