Thursday, March 31, 2011


Being a regular church attender for most of my life, singing should be something I am comfortable with.  This is not the case.  I don't mind singing when the music is going and the choir is singing and no one can really hear me. I'm good with that.  It may seem odd for me to say that because I have been a part of a praise team once.  I sang in front of the church week after week.  Of course, I wasn't the strong singer.  I was just there to add sound.

Before I was a mother, I NEVER sang without music for any reason ever.  I didn't hum while I was working.  Nothing.  I had music in elementary school, but I'm not sure that counts.  I do remember my 2nd grade music teacher scared the crap out of me one day.  I was playing with the belt on my shirt because it was unraveling.  So she decided to point out that I wasn't paying attention.  I was pretty mortified.  She was kinda scary without her calling me out in class.  Then there was that, oooh, bad memories.  So maybe it was her and maybe it was just not thinking I could, but I never took another music class.  I don't know anything about music, melody, harmony, pitch, tone, etc.  I don't think I can clap on beat with music.

Since becoming a mother I have started to sing to Ben on various occasions and I have found that I am not too bad.  I couple years ago I stopped trying to clap on beat and kinda make my own.  It seems to go along with the drum beat in the song.  Once again, I have found that I am not too bad.  And I like that feeling of being not too bad.  I like the feeling of being comfortable enough to sing a little around the house.

It really is a shame that singing is one of those things that is reserved for only the 'talented' and those who have been trained.  Art (Drawing, painting, etc.) seems to fall into that category too.  It is quite possible that these are only thoughts I have and no one else sees it this way.  In case you do see it like I do, I'm going to continue.  So tonight when I sang a little bit to Ben while I was putting him to sleep, I was happy.  He just looked and looked at me.  It seemed to calm him down and focus him in.  I sang whatever I could think of and even made up a couple things.  I think I'm going to try to sing a little more often.  I'm going to work on not caring how I sound.  I want to sing a little tune just be singing a little tune.  And maybe, just maybe, I'll sing a special music in church one day.

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