Monday, February 28, 2011

Why am I me?

Sometimes I love reading blogs and take the time to try to find new and interesting blogs to read.  I'll find a blog or two and read an entry.  Sometimes I like it and I'll subscribe to it via Google Reader.  (If you don't have it, you should go get it!)  Sometimes I find things that are interesting, but not something I would want to read regularly.  Today was one of those days.  I really just ended up wondering.  

I am a working mom (obviously).   When I read about the importance of having a parent with the kid, I say my husband does that and I thank God we have that opportunity.  When it really comes down to it, I enjoy my career.  I am not the June Cleaver type.  I don't cook.  I don't clean often enough.  I don't sit and plan outings and lessons for Ben.  And I wonder is that bad?  Should I be more of a June Cleaver type?  (And yes, I realize that not all SAHM are the June Cleaver type.  It is rather stereotypical for me to think so, but the image that I see from several SAHM is that of June Cleaver.  I am in no way implying that it is bad or good or anything else.)  I'm sure this is a dilemma that many working moms (part-time or full-time) come across.  Some days I start thinking, yes it is bad and it is something I should work to change.

Then another part of me thinks about the influential teachers I had, Sra. Schmidt, Mrs. Drake, Dra. Culleton, etc.  I think of influential teachers that I have known, Coach Lytton, Mr. Hungerford, etc.  When a crisis happens and I see the outpouring of love people have for teachers like this, it is humbling.  I want to make a community impact like that.  After working for 30 years, I want people to say I made a difference.  Maybe not a life changing difference, but I helped them.  I know that in and of myself I will not have the ability to do that.  I have to look toward God to orchestrate everything and prepare me to make a difference.  It has to be Him working through me for this to happen.  I love standing in front of a group of students explaining something, and then seeing them get excited because they understood it.  I love being around before and after classes/ school just to listen to what is going on in their lives.  I am humbled that they share these things with me.  I care about my students.  All of this can't be for nothing, right?  Surely it's okay for me to love my job right?

These were the two schools of thought running through my mind earlier today when we took Ben to his doctor's appointment.  (He's fine BTW.  Just a nasty cold.)  On the way home from there, we had a scary storm and stopped off at my mother in law's house instead of driving all the way home.  When we got home, we found a window blown in (not broken, praise God.) and a line down in our yard (not our power, again praise God.)  I gave Ben a bath, watched him play, called my mom, and got him ready for bed.  I sat down and Drew gave me a big hug and thanked me for taking care of him the last few days while he was sick.  So what does all this tell me, I'm where I am supposed to be.  I am me because God made me that way.  

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